Personal | It ain't easy, but we got this. - Christina Barnum Photography

Soooo… We are just under 2 months in to the deployment now. Seems like it’s been a lifetime AND like it was just yesterday that he left — all at once. It’s been hard. It’s much harder than expected… but, we are still alive and kickin’ (And screamin’ ;)).

After two days of hellacious twin toddler attitude and tantrums, I was nearing a mega-mommy-melt down. HA! I’m talking INSANE. I questioned the food they’d been eating and even our water system 😉 I’ve been impatient and yelling way more than I should have… and I just knew bed time was going to put me over the edge if it was going to be anything like the night before!

However, Bath time took me in a completely different direction that I’d expected!

I was taking my daughters bands out of her two messy buns in her hair, and I realized in that moment that I’d hoped and prayed I’d have a little girl to pretty up with fun, cute hair styles just like this… and to stare at her with admiration and amazement like my mom used to (and still does ;)) to me.. And there she was, staring back at me — Big, blue eyes just looking up at me with the cutest little grin on her face. Then, I looked over to my silly boy blowing bubbles in the water, and I realized I’d also hoped and prayed for him. I used to day dream about having this sweet boy… I’d dreamt of his kisses and his hugs… and his amazing sense of humor. But I NEVER in a million years could have imagined them to be this perfect or for our life with twins (that we’d always hoped for by the way!) to be this beautiful… this awesome… this hard. Haha! (Hey, it’s the truth!)

After I put them to bed I started thinking about the past couple of days and why it’s been so difficult to climb out of this funk the three of us are in. I listened to a few sappy songs, cried a little, laughed at my crying, cried some more, and finally decided the reason I’ve been so down is because all I’ve been doing is dwelling on is the hard stuff! HOW TOUGH THIS IS. How CRAPPY deployments are. How much I MISS my husband. How HARD it is to have two two year olds. How much it KILLS me to hear how much they miss him and how much he misses them.

And there’s nothing wrong with this. I’m allowed to feel this way sometimes, because HEY! I’m human — but if I allow myself to focus on only the negative ALL THE TIME, I will miss all the positive ALL.THE.TIME.

This deployment SUCKS. BIG ONES! But even though it’s tough, we are still SOOO fortunate, and we have so much to be thankful for! We have a love that has gotten us through tough times and helped create a beautiful family and life that we can enjoy.

It may be hard being here running this ship solo, but I get to kiss our kids every night and hug them when I want (or when they’ll let me ;)) I get to wipe boogers and kiss their boo-boos… and hear Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” a MILLION times a week, because that’s all they want to listen to in the car, LOL! I just can’t imagine being away from them and missing all this beautiful chaos… and I hate that my hubby has to, but he’s doing it for US and to serve his country, and I can’t thank him enough.

And allllll that.. that’s what’s going to get me through the next X amount of months. It’s not going to be easy, and I’m going to have to remind myself how precious they really are even when they are screaming their little heads off and not listening! HAHAH! BUT I CAN DO IT, and I WILL, because we all deserve happiness even if it isn’t the happiest of situations. Nick and I will make the best of it like we have everything else in our 7.5 yrs together and we will pull our family out on top like we always do when we hit a tough patch… because now we have two little people who are counting on us.

And we won’t let ’em down. 🙂

EVEN IF THEY THROW THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS DOUBLE THE FUN TANTRUMS ON EARTH! bahah

some fun i-phone photos of what we’ve been up to 😉

I love you Nicholas. <3 <3