So let me just start this off by saying: Blogging is a super huge challenge for me.  Not only am I a terrible writer (I tend to write how I speak.. ALL OVER THE PLACE! lol), but every time my blogging day comes around (yes, I have these scheduled 😉 lol) I am always stumped! WHAT to write? Who really cares, anyway?  Then I think of all the awesome blogs I’ve read in the past and how they usually start off with a moment. A moment when someone says AH HA! This is special to me, important in my life, and I want to share it… incase someone else might care. 😉

A moment like that happened to me the other day.

I was in the living room with the kids, when Leah asked me to wipe her face. I did, and she said, “Tank you mommy. I  so beautiful.” I was so proud of her in that moment. MY baby girl knows she’s beautiful. What more could I ask for? She believes in herself. The skies the limit!

*I had her say it again for my camera: you can view it here*

But, then I got kind of emotional when I started questioning what she just said — What if one day she doesn’t feel that way? How do I keep her from forgetting how BEAUTIFUL she is? When did I forget it?

I’ve had moments in my life where I’ve been happy with my appearance and content in my own skin. And I’ve had moments where I’ve wanted to literally YANK my skin off and run away. Sounds terrible, but it’s the truth. I think the last time I remember feeling like I was all that and a bag of chips (yes, I did just say that ha!) was when I signed up for weight watchers and lost a lil over 25lbs while my hubby was deployed. I worked my booty off. It felt good. I felt good. He came home and we were both in the best shape we’d ever been.

I even scheduled a boudoir session with Aspen Burke Photography

Of course, we got pregnant shortly after. HA!

My pregnancy wasn’t terrible. In fact, for carrying twins I think it was pretty great. I say this now after it’s all said and done — but, if you’d asked me while I was a hot hair ballon, you might have received a different answer. 😉

I gained a total of 35lbs growing two little beings in my body. TWO babies grew inside of MY stomach. HOW INCREDIBLE! I am STILL in awe, if you can’t tell. haha!

And as AMAZING as that is, I STILL look at my body and think of how imperfect it is. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have had it any other way, because I gave birth to two amazing children. But, I can’t help but think those terrible, negative thoughts about myself. Pregnancy takes a toll on you. It’s WORTH IT, but for me it’s been a challenge to find acceptance for the things I can’t change and motivation to change what I can!

I’d been toying with the idea of getting back on weight watchers or making the gym a regular thing (for about 2 years now LOL), but then I’d think about money and time.. and it never happened. I FINALLY decided to do something for myself, so I hooked up with a past client who is now a Beachbody coach (hey jen! ;)) and I joined one of her challenges. Even after paying the $150 for the shake (which is SO GOOD and SO GOOD for you) and joining her group, I was STILL unsure if I could pull it off. Do I really have time to log everything I eat? Can we afford organic shopping trips? Will I REALLY work out 30 minutes a day? Even though it’s only 21 days, can I do it?

All those questions were answered after I heard my daughter say those beautiful words. “I so beautiful.”

YES! I CAN DO IT. I am worth it. My husband is worth it. My children are worth it. I AM IN IT TO WIN IT. I want to be the BEST role model for my children. I want to feel GOOD in my own skin. I want to be HEALTHY. I want it. I want to JUMP in front of cameras to have my photo taken with my children, not try and hide behind everyone because I don’t like the way I look. I want them to have memories of me being confident and believing myself, not me saying things like “UGH I’m SO FAT” or “NO! Don’t take my picture! I’m serious, Nick! DON’T TAKE MY PICTURE!” lol

And with the support of my hubby, fam & friends I think I can do it 🙂

SO HERE’S TO A NEW CHALLENGE! A new me. A positive future for my family.

And if any of you are in the same boat and need some words of encouragement or a safe place to vent, I created a secret group on Facebook — feel free to request to join “CBP Challenge yoself”   😉 At the end of the year one lucky lady will win a free Boudoir or Glamour shoot 🙂

XOX

Christina